How to Write a Letter to Your Donor Family

What to Include In Your Letter

In this section, you’ll find a simple structure you can follow when writing to your donor family. You don’t have to use every part—just what feels right for you.

  1. A gentle greeting

    Use something simple, like "Dear Donor Family," or "To the Family of My Donor," if you don't know their names.

  2. Gratitude

     Begin by thanking them for choosing donation during such a painful time and for the gift their loved one has given you.

   3. A little about you

     Share a small glimpse of who you are—your age or age range, general area you live in, and a few things you enjoy—    without             giving more private details than your transplant center allows.

   4. Your health before and after transplant

     Briefly describe what life was like before your transplant and how it has changed since. This helps the family see the impact of           their loved one’s gift.

   5. Honoring their loved one

     Let them know you think about their loved one and try to honor them in the way you live your life, the choices you make, and             the gratitude you carry.

   6. Compassion for their grief

     Acknowledge their loss gently. You might say you’re sorry for what they’ve gone through and that you’re keeping them in your           thoughts or prayers.

   7. A gentle closing

     End with warmth and no pressure—thanking them again for their generosity and signing with whatever your transplant center           allows (usually your first name only).  

What to Avoid In Your Letter

To help protect both you and the donor family, it's usually best to avoid certain topics and details in your letter.

• asking how their loved one died or for details about the circumstances
• sharing your full last name, address, phone number, or social media (unless your transplant center says it's okay)
• using graphic or medical details about their passing
• saying things like "I know exactly how you feel"
• putting pressure on them to respond, meet, or stay in contact

Every family is different, and your transplant center may have its own rules. When in doubt, keep your letter simple, kind, and focused on gratitude.

Example Letter: If I Wrote One Today...

Dear Donor Family,

I think of you and your family often, and I hope you can feel the love, peace, and gratitude behind this letter. I know that my life today is possible because, in the middle of unimaginable pain, you chose to say yes to organ donation.

I received my heart transplant when I was eleven years old. Before my transplant, my health was very fragile. I spent a lot of time in hospitals and struggled to do the things other kids my age were doing. Because of your loved one’s gift, I was given a second chance—a new heartbeat and a new start.

Today, I’m an adult in my mid-twenties. I’ve been able to grow up with your loved one’s heart beating inside of me. I’ve gone to school, graduated from college, worked, laughed with friends, celebrated birthdays, and dreamed about the future. All of those “everyday” moments are miracles to me, and I know they were made possible by your generosity.

I think often about your loved one—their life, their personality, the people who miss them. Even though we never met, I carry them with me in everything I do. I try to live in a way that honors their life: by being kind, by helping others, and by remembering that every day is a gift.

I also think of you. I know that behind my new life is a family who said goodbye far too soon. My heart is with you in your grief, your memories, and your love for the person you lost. I pray that you are surrounded by comfort, that you feel proud of the impact your loved one has had, and that you know their story continues through the lives they saved.

Thank you will never feel like enough, but I want you to hear it anyway: thank you for saying yes, thank you for allowing your loved one’s heart to help me live, and thank you for every day, every milestone, and every breath I’ve been given.

If you ever feel comfortable sharing more about your loved one—only if and when it feels right—I would be honored to learn about them. Please don’t feel any pressure to respond—your healing comes first, always. Whether or not we ever exchange letters, I will continue to think of you, to pray for you, and to carry your loved one in my heart.

With deep gratitude,

Payton

My First Letter at 14

When I was fourteen, I wrote my donor family a handwritten letter. I told them about my life, my family, my health, and how grateful I was for their decision to donate. That letter is very personal and something I choose to keep between us, but it was an important step in my healing. I share this now to encourage you: your letter does not have to be perfect. It just has to be yours.

The card handwritten letter I sent to my donor family when I was 14. I keep the words between us, but I’m sharing this to show that your letter doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful.